Why do bad things always happen around the holidays, aren't they supposed to be good and special? Every year somehow it always gets ruined. This year looks just the same. My dad will either be out of the picture, or in it destroying it.

He's up in Warren right now in the hospital. Mom committed him again, he was talking extra crazy so his parents talked to my mom and the decision was made to do it again. This time for a longer time and they'll very possibly 303 him. Which means they'll keep him longer. There's even been talk that he may have to go to Warren State Hospital.

He cried to me before I left the house to go to my grams. Something was odd, more odd than usual. Mom told me she thought he was gonna kill himself that day. Either way he ended up in the hospital. There's nothing physically wrong with him, but mentally...

I can't even begin to describe how bad it is now. I cried so hard when I had to hug him goodbye in the hospital. He had to go back to his room early because he was acting up (pointing fingers and grabbing my mom) so he left again....I haven't seen him since then. The only thing I remember thinking while hugging him, is "why?" Life is taking my dad far away from me, so far he may never come back. You don't even know how bad this is.

He really believes the conspiracy in his head is real. He believes that the neighbors are all watching him and plotting against him and everyone around him "knows"

My daddy is a good person, to see this happen breaks my heart into so many pieces it'll never go back together right. I've given up on ever having my dad hold me and rub my back in the recliner while I fall asleep in his lap and arms. I'll probably never win or lose another game of checkers with him. I'll probably never be able to happily and willingly go grocery shopping with him. I guess I lost my dad again, this time it looks like it's for good.

Not many people come out of this state of mind. He really believes all this, he believes it with every last fiber of his being. I think he's schitzophrenic personally. But I don't know, I guess we'll find out sooner or later. Life just likes to fuck me over again and again.

So let me tell you about my Thanksgiving. I slept until about 11am, I roll out of bed and head downstairs. Looking into the kitchen, the object on the counter makes me freeze in my tracks.  It wasn't surprising, or disappointing ...it just pissed me off. Know what it was, it was a beer can. My jerk off father had the balls to drink, and a lot, on Thanksgiving.

Good job dad, just screw up the holidays every damn year.

So I run upstairs get dressed, call my grandma and call her to come get me. I took Duncan with me but it turns out her Thanksgiving was ass too. She had invited other family members to come eat, had everything all set out, and yanno what, they blew her off. Oh but here's the fun part, it was my dad's parents, doesn't that just say something wonderful?

So I help her clean up and try to make her feel better. Well then I decide to go see some friends down town, she didn't like that idea. My dad calls and makes her cry, because at this point he's just wasted as hell. So I hug her, tell her I love her, and walk down town.

But by the time I get there my friend is gone so I sit alone at the corner of family video. I eventually went home.

My dads stupid dinner never got finished. I went to sleep early. All night he just yelled at my mom and kept us both awake.

Fuck you daddy, you'll rot in hell for this.

So my mom and I went to the coffee shop today with my aunt, it was very pleasant and I enjoyed it very much.

We started moving the rest of my stuff downstairs today.

So my dad decided to act like nothing happened and help.

I turn to him and say "Last night is NOT to happen again since I'm down here, I will not tolerate your screaming when I'm trying to sleep anymore."

Then a little while later I told him to call my Grandma and apologize, of course he said "I will." And I can tell he's ashamed, and he should be.

I'm not done though, oh no. I want him to feel as much guilt as he can, I want him to drown in it.

Fucking bastard.